jan 2019

The accumulative snowing minutes I’ve witnessed for the last month is five. Five short minutes where I saw teeny flakes floating down like heavenly dandruffs. My only heavy snow memory is when I was five—appa and I had a snow fight while umma was inside most likely cooking lunch.

It’s almost a week since my parents returned to Taipei. Living alone isn’t all glorious nor is it a total train wreck. Now I have the total freedom to be vegan (which I always was half-ish but I didn’t want to be picky about what umma cooked), and have ALL THE PRIVATE space for myself at the tiny guest house.

Seoul is still foreign. When the calendar page turned to 2019, I joked to appa that I no longer have an identity in Taiwan. Although I have a passport and an ID in Korea, it felt like I was exiled from a home of almost twenty years. But borders and countries don’t care about how you feel, they care about your papers.

And speaking of papers (awkward smooth segue), I submitted all my documents for UK working holiday visa sponsorship. The results come out on the thirteenth of February. Even though the sponsorship selection is by lot, I just feel like I will be picked. I call it ruthless hoping. I haven’t figured out what the next steps are if I do get the sponsorship, I’ll probably jump a bit then scratch my head as I read through sophisticatedly written Korean. If I don’t, I seem to have plan B to Z lined up for me. Either way, it’s a lot of waiting around for announcements and trying to stay connected with people.

Plan B for now is to be a part of a stage management company that I got connected through two degrees of separation. The head of this group is a well-known stage manager who has taken part in countlessly many imported-to-Korea-Broadway musicals and also the past Winter Olympics opening and closing ceremonies. Never would I have dreamt of being connected to such a human. We met up and he listened to my situation of waiting around and he in turn gave me a list of jobs that he would love to give me. As one of my favorite song goes, timing is crucial. I’m waiting for a certification that will take me onto my next stage in life, whereas he was offering me something that had to begin immediately. The conundrum was real but my heart was at peace and he said we’ll keep in touch.

The past few months when I was talking to my big brothers and sisters, they all encouraged me to just chose something and stick to it. Stick to what you love but don’t forget about God and his dreams for me. I know my path isn’t strayed. I know goodness and grace follows me. As much as I want to join in the exciting realm that is musical stage management, I want to be in London. I’m not saying I will immediately get a job in theatre or in ethical fashion as soon as I arrive in London. I cannot guarantee that everything will be easy but I know it will be worth it.

I still love to replay the words Anna frustratingly beckoned me to answer during my weird phase in high school: What do you want?—Not what’s easy! If I wanted easy I would be at the most boring job that paid me enough and gave me a visa in Taipei. Comfort is easy. Staying with parents is easy. Being close to friends is easy. Now I want something drastically different. Waiting around is the uneasiest ditch you cannot climb out of until an outside force gives you a “yes”. Living two and a half hour flight away from all your comforts is bananas. Most of all, what the heck is wrong with Korea’s online banking system? Can an IT expert please explain to me why it’s so difficult?

So that’s all to say nothing still makes too much worldly sense. Still quite jobless in Seoul except for my online English teaching gig. I miss being able to create things so I started to handwrite letters to those who want to receive. The most creative I got lately was with creating potpourri by drying tea bags and orange peels. Amie is still Amie. I’m quite content despite the fact that I moved my lodgings four times in the last month. Permanent address was always a pain to fill out when I was applying to universities. (Can I just write Heaven?)

But as always, I know that prayers are always covering me. I also love receiving feedbacks from you after you read my rambled updates. February will be another hump I will have to climb—I honestly can’t wait to see more snow and FINALLY get an answer to one of my futures.