29 Mar 2015

In linguistics, I’ve learnt that there is this thing called lexicon in our brains. Kind of like a mental word bank–all the words you know or heard of by now.

I clicked into my brain, just like I would with my laptop. I double clicked into this folder called lexicon. It showed me three subfolders–well, three large ones and couple of other smaller ones. There was a show all option, so I entered.

There it was.. all the words that I picked up from the streets and from the skies. From flying high and digging the ground. All the words I did not ever want to know. Words I speak like they are the air I breathe out. Words that morphed into a thousand blades and pierced every millimeter of my heart. Words that turned me into a hurricane. Words that turned me into a princess. Words that turned me into a poisonous viper. Words that froze my bones and words that melted my soul. Words

Why are they so important to you? Asked God. Why do you think they are so important to you?

Because you spoke the whole word into being. Each word that vibrate off your mouth became. And I know that each word becomes too, because I’m your princess. But it’s so hard to break through those words. It’s so hard because they became. And they are. And they still hurt. I don’t know what they are anymore.

I want to delete these words.

But there’s no recycle bin.

There’s no shift key nor delete key in my brain.

But I have you, could you replace those words? Could you help me rearrange those words? I know…. I know that some words will always be there because it’s in my head. But could you help me speak? I want your mouth, I want your eyes.

I want your lexicon.